Private framework for repair and safety
Framework for safety and repair between David and Antony
How David is asking Antony to participate in repair.
Behaviours for Antony that need to stop immediately and completely.
Areas of Antonys behaviour that need clear structure and limits so old patterns do not quietly return.
Immediate actions for Antony that drive repair, treatment, and a more accurate shared story.
A model that sets out what David is asking of Antony in order to attempt long term relational repair.
The aim is to create enough safety that repair is possible if both people choose it.
This framework describes what is needed right now. It is expected to change as regulation improves.
Version 1 dated 6 December 2025
Safety conditions that cannot be breached
These are immediate behaviours Antony needs to stop to maintain safety and trust in the relationship. Any breach is serious and must be addressed immediately in therapy.
No shaping of facts and no omissions.
Anything that impacts the relationship or might be meaningful to David must be disclosed immediately and stated fully, plainly, and without distortion.
Honesty means active disclosure from Antony, not waiting for David to ask the right question.
Antony does not consume any alcohol or drugs until Michael confirms in therapy, with David present, that regulation has returned.
The only optional exception is one standard drink a week.
There are no other exceptions unless agreed in advance and in writing.
This includes emotional intimacy, private messages, flirting, or any physical contact that is more than neutral social interaction.
Any possible exception in the future must be raised in therapy in advance, written clearly, and agreed only for that specific situation. Nothing ongoing. Nothing assumed.
Antony has no contact with any persons involved in past cheating without disclosing and discussing with David first.
If any of these persons reach out, Antony discloses this to David immediately and discusses it before responding. Antony does not reply secretly, does not delete messages nor continue any private discussion.
If Antony sees any of these persons in public, only a short polite greeting is acceptable before he moves on. If they call, he ends the call politely and returns it later only after discussing it with David, if at all.
Antony is responsible for his own decisions and actions on dating or sex apps. He must actively disclose any use to David immediately.
Privacy is respected. Secrecy is not. Transparency means nothing relevant hidden.
Stability, rhythm, and clear limits
These commitments protect daily life, prevent drift, and make any space or external contact structured and safe.
Antony is responsible for deciding which commitments can disrupt family stability and he treats absences as exceptions, not habits.
He does not pass these decisions through David for approval. He takes full responsibility for maintaining a stable rhythm at home.
Time away is planned thoughtfully rather than used as avoidant escape or indulgence.
Presence should feel consistent and reliable during this period of repair.
If Antony needs space, he states why it is needed, how long it will last, and when reconnection will occur.
There is no silent withdrawal, disappearing, or avoidance later described as space.
If Michael believes a short physical pause is needed for regulation, Antony may stay with Gilly for a limited time while still seeing the children at least once a week.
Any pause has clear expectations and time frames and is reviewed regularly in therapy. It should support stability and regulation, not distance, punishment, or avoidance.
Antony is monogamous by default.
In the future, any non platonic experience involving an additional person may occur only under deliberately careful conditions.
Any such experience must have a written agreement, be limited to a specific person, a specific scenario, and a specific moment, with no assumptions and no ongoing arrangement.
Antony is required to articulate, in writing within 5 days, both his long term sexual needs and his expectations of David on this subject. (If they are different from the document prepared 2 July 2025).
This protects stability and prevents confusion or harm.
David and Tommys relationship is currently in stasis, but Tommy remains an important part of Davids identity and personal history. At different times his presence has genuinely supported Davids wellbeing and capacity for connection inside the marriage, and at other times it has challenged the marriage, which makes clarity essential.
If a future relationship with Tommy becomes important for Davids healing, Antony will express his feelings honestly without minimising, masking, or performing agreement. David will continue to disclose any emotional shifts, and Antony has full visibility and veto over the form and timing of any healing related contact.
Antony is not required to take part in anything that would compromise his wellbeing. When the emotional impact is manageable, he has the opportunity to approach Davids needs with openness and to support what strengthens the relationship, while remaining honest about his limits.
Active repair and forward movement
These are constructive steps Antony takes immediately that build regulation, insight, and a more accurate shared story.
Antony books an appointment with a psychiatrist within 5 days and begins treatment for depression and any other relevant condition.
He attends sessions, follows medical advice, and provides updates in therapy.
Consistent treatment is essential for regulation and for preventing repeated harmful patterns.
Antony attends at least one private therapy session a week, except in rare periods when this is genuinely impossible.
In these sessions he speaks openly about his actions, his secrets, and the relational patterns that caused harm.
He allows Michael to guide him and does not present curated narratives or selective honesty that protect ego or avoid responsibility.
Therapy requires full openness, not partial or tactical honesty.
Antony acknowledges the infidelity, the lying, the deletions, the concealment, and the impact without rewriting or minimising.
He does not shift responsibility onto David or frame his choices as reactions to Davids behaviour.
Because Antony struggles to recognise when he distorts events, he can use language given by Michael, and accepts correction without defensiveness.
Ownership is factual and complete. Interpretations or emotional narratives do not replace actual events. Facts come first, then feelings, never the other way around.
Antony corrects the false beliefs held within his family about David and the events of the past year.
This includes acknowledging his own behaviour clearly and removing any false equivalence between his actions and Davids, without expecting David to defend or explain himself.
Antony makes this correction himself. It is his responsibility.
This correction occurs within the next 5 days, ideally with guidance from Michael. Antony decides when, how, and with whom this correction is made.
Antony commits to foundational health habits that support regulation, stability, and consistent behaviour.
He will train with Sebastian once a week, complete one additional solo workout each week, and go for a jog or run twice a week.
Antony will also nominate two further health targets that he believes will meaningfully support his regulation. He will share these at the next therapy session with Michael and David.
These habits are not about performance. They create predictable internal structure that strengthens the wider repair process.